A Different Ending
by fizzwizz15
Summary: What should have happened Between Meredith and Derek in 'Losing My Religion'. A MerDer fic in progress. SPOILERS


_**Part One**_

"_You think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married…I have responsibilities. She...she doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me feel sick to my stomach thinking of my veterinarian touching her with his __**hands! **__Man, I would give anything not to look at you!"_

Meredith shut her eyes as she felt his words wash over her.

The effect they had on her was...

Nothing.

Meredith opened her eyes and stared in dismay at the door.

His words had left her feeling so conflicted that she could feel nothing.

Numb shock.

Meredith found, despite it all, she could not even turn around and face Derek.

She couldn't imagine what his facial expression would be like after his speech.

Meredith didn't want to know.

It seemed that all of the events between them this year had finally led to this moment.

And she didn't know what to do.

_Walk away Meredith..._

Without turning around, Meredith said quietly, "I'm sorry to be the cause of your problems."

Her legs started loving on their own accord and began walking her away towards the door.

As she took those few steps, her whole world fell apart.

Ever since leaving her for Addison, Meredith had dreamt, craved for, the moment where her McDreamy would tell her that he was madly in love with her and had made the biggest mistake in his life when he had not chosen her.

But this moment was not what she had expected it to be.

She was not meant to feel hurt, guilty and even more rejected.

Anger, disappointment and frustration had been so clear in his voice when he had finally let loose what he thought of her.

She was not meant to feel like this...

But he had still followed her after leaving Finn on the dance floor.

_Finn...oh god!_

He had plans and now here she was, alone in a room with a pissed off, emotionally charged Derek.

What the hell was Derek doing alone with her?!

Anger flashed through her as she began to walk slightly faster towards the door.

But she never made it to the handle.

Just as she reached out for it with her hand, suddenly two strong arms tightly entwined themselves around her body.

A firm body pressed itself against her back and Meredith could feel the soft warm material of his shirt and jacket through her thin dress.

"We haven't finished Mer…" he whispered, his voice heavy with emotion.

She lost the will to move or fight back against him as she felt his warm breath on her neck, making the sensitive hairs all over stand on end.

Instead, despite the emotional turmoil that still hung heavy in the silence, Meredith found herself melting against him.

The arms around her did not tighten, instead they loosened and she felt his hands place themselves on her exposed shoulders.

She could not help but shiver as his hands slowly trailed down her arms.

Meredith heard him smile by the way he inhaled slowly and leant his head down on the nape of her neck, in her hair.

Very much like he nearly had in the elevator long ago.

But now he was responding to her.

Meredith felt his hands rest heavily on her small hips. The instant she felt his grip tighten the slightest bit, sense suddenly returned to her and Meredith pulled herself out of his embrace.

Whirling around to face him, she yelled, "What are you doi…"

But the remainder of her words were lost when Derek suddenly brought his lips on top of her open mouth and silenced her with a searing kiss.

His hands embedded themselves in her soft hair; Derek brought her mouth even closer to his own as she instantly responded to the kiss.

One kiss became two and soon hands were wandering aimlessly with a mind of their own.

Meredith promptly found herself with her back pressed against the door and Derek pressing his strong, heavy body against her.

She could not help but moan at the familiar weight against her, but once again her brain kicked itself back in action by flashing a picture of Finn in her mind.

Instantly flooded with guilt, Meredith tore her mouth away from his with great difficulty.

Immediately her aroused, charged body cried out from the loss of contact but Meredith forced herself to look at Derek.

He opened his eyes and she couldn't help but fall in to his blue eyes which were so darkened with arousal and desire she almost couldn't recognise them.

Almost.

"Derek we can't do this." She mumbled, finding the task of forming words quite difficult.

His eyes scanned over her face and they came to rest on her eyes, looking so deeply into them that Meredith almost felt like he was trying to hypnotise her.

"Mer…" he whispered quietly.

Trailing his hands back up the sides of her body, he watched as she shivered against his body and half-closed her eyes. His hands eventually came up and cupped her face and Derek slowly drew her back towards him.

She did not hesitate as he kissed her again, and neither did her hesitate in responding again.

"We-can't-do-this-Derek…" she moaned in-between kisses.

"I-know…" he moaned back.

But still they continued.

"You-have-a-wife…"

"You're-with-my-vet…"

"Mmm-why-can't-we-stop?"

Derek stopped kissing her and slowly moved his face a tad away from hers. He gazed at her with such emotion and happiness that Meredith found her love for him swimming under her skin with such raw emotion she felt that her skin would burst and he would be soaked in it.

"Oh Mer…" he sighed, slightly shaking his head as he gazed at her in wonder. "Surely you must know?"

Meredith stared at him with uncertainty and shook her head, "Know what?"

Derek leant forward and gave her a gentle kiss on her cheek before pulling back and looking at her again, "Why I was looking at you."

Meredith felt her heart begin to beat faster as she listened.

A small smile crept onto his face as he saw a glimpse of hope spark in her eyes.

Leaning forward again, Derek gently kissed her other cheek before pulling back again, "Why I watch you."

Meredith's breath hitched in her throat at his expression began to focus even more intently on her.

"Why you can't breathe when I look at you," he purred as he leant forward and pressed a kiss to her neck, "why _I can't breathe _whenever I see you look back at me."

Continuing kissing her neck Meredith couldn't help but tilt her head upwards and rest it against the door, allowing Derek to have more access to it.

She moaned quietly as he kissed her on all the right places on her sensitive skin and she brought her hands up and gently wrapped them in his soft hair.

Derek's hands roamed down from her face and downwards, sensuously rubbing her breasts through the thin dress material and bra, causing Meredith to moan again and clutch her hands in his hair.

He moved his mouth back to hers' and their kisses slowly grew to become more and more demanding.

But Meredith's conscience refused to give into her heart.

The thought of Finn flashed in her mind again, but Meredith's heart over-swamped her mind with love and set it in chains into a tiny corner of her brain.

But still her mind struggled and when Derek's hands made their way to the back of her dress and started loosening the ties did her mind snap free of the binds her heart had set on it and regained control of her body.

Meredith opened her eyes and pulled her head away again.

Derek's hands stopped their actions and he opened his eyes to look at her. Confusion clouded them and Meredith couldn't help but swallow her arousal and desire for the second.

Despite the euphoria that was still flying through her body from being in her arms again, Meredith found that she just…could not dive into sleeping with Derek.

She watched his confusion and felt it mould into her own.

"Derek…" she whispered, so quietly it was nearly inaudible.

Derek's eyebrows furrowed in concern, "Meredith…what is it?"

Meredith leant forward and kissed him deeply, but pulled back quickly before he could make it even deeper.

She stared up into his eyes and sighed quietly.

"I love you…" she said, her heart and emotion thick in her voice and in her eyes.

Derek smiled at her with such emotion that he leant forward and kissed her sweetly, holding her tightly in his arms.

"Ah Mer…" he whispered in her hair, wrapping himself around her.

"Hmmm?" she asked quietly.

"I love you too…"

Immediately Meredith placed two hands on his chest and pushed him back slightly, just so she could see his face.

She looked at him with disbelief, but as she stared at him, she saw sincerity, love and vulnerability etched so deeply on his face that she could not believe it.

"No you don't." she whispered, unable to believe it, "No you don't."

Derek looked at her with a sad expression, "I tried not to, I tried but you're in me Meredith Grey. You're in me so deeply that you a part of me. I love you that from that first night of the bar, to when we had our brief time of happiness, it was what had gotten me through the unhappiest year of my life without you, up to now Meredith. This very moment. We still found each other, despite _everything_! I can't live without you. You are my oxygen and I need you just so I can breathe. You are as vital to me as breathing. Meredith I love you, please, please, please say something?"

Meredith stared at him in shock, his face watching her with unbridled hope and happiness at finally being able to tell her how he felt. Finally being able to express the feelings that had possessed him with such emotions unlike anything he had ever felt before, filling his thoughts, dreams and a physical longing for another being, a love so strong that he had found himself loving her more everyday. Falling for her more with every glance, smile, rare touch they were able to share every day.

It had been that love that had caused him to punch Mark.

It had been that love that had made him do a huge number of things that always involved her.

It had been this love that had called her unforgivable things when it had been him that had broken her.

It had been this love that had been repressed when he had chosen Addison over Meredith, the one mistake that he had regretted in his whole life with his entire being and soul.

Meredith found that she could not answer.

Derek continued to watch her, his hope still brimming in his eyes and his happiness still beaming at her.

"Please say something Meredith," he repeated much more softly this time, sounding something that came close to pleading.

Meredith opened her mouth to say something but all that came out was an unsure, incoherent mumble of sounds.

"I…ummm…you…wha?"

Derek smiled at her with warmth and emotion before leaning forward and kissing her deeply, allowing his love to seep into her through their kiss.

Meredith clung to him as if she was drowning, her hands making their way under his shirt and coming into contact with his warm skin causing Derek to shiver under her touch.

"You-love-me?" she asked in-between kisses, kissing him with a desperation that she knew his answer would determine how she would live the rest of her life.

With or without him.

"I-love-you-Meredith." He moaned back.

Meredith finally allowed herself to give in to her love and believe him.

As she clung to him, feeling him surrounding her and all of her senses, Meredith felt two things return to her that she thought she had lost forever.

Happiness and peace.

True happiness burst through her with the power of a thousand suns.

The missing part of her soul crept back into her heart.

Little did she know that Derek was feeling and experiencing the same feelings as she was at that exact same time.

He felt complete.

Meredith felt the need beginning to grow within her again but now she found it manageable to pull her lips away from his without feeling heartache.

Derek now looked at her with a bittersweet smile. He knew what she was going to say.

"Derek, we can't do this right now. We need to…"

"We need to end things and tie up loose ties before we can do this properly." He finished with a sad smile.

Meredith sighed sadly and nodded, "Yeah, we do."

Derek nodded again in agreement, but he did not move away at all. Instead he leant forward again and kissed her, pulling her tightly against him with a rough moan.

Meredith slightly started to protest but she moaned equally in return as they just lived in the moment and the revelation between each other.

Eventually though Derek's hard kisses softened into slow, soft loving ones that she just could not get enough of.

"Derek…" she moaned softly, trying to tell him that they needed to go back to the prom.

Derek's reply was simply that he stopped kissing her and laid his forehead against her own, rubbing noses with her, shutting his eyes and sighing deeply.

"I love you Meredith, just let this moment sink in."

Meredith sighed too and nodded gently, "It just doesn't seem real…"

Derek suddenly chuckled slightly, "No it doesn't."

He opened his eyes and looked in her green ones that were so close to his blue ones. In her eyes he saw a reflection of his feelings in there, love, happiness and peace.

"I love you too Derek." Meredith finally replied and smiled at him, her first true smile that made her face sparkle with life.

Something he had not seen for months.

"When are we going to tell them?" Derek asked, his voice suddenly becoming sad and serious.

Meredith frowned slightly at him before leaning forward and kissing him again, "As soon as we can."

Derek nodded but before he could say anything Meredith quickly continued, "But not tonight Derek."

He looked at her in confused surprise, but Meredith just gave him an understanding look, "It would not be fair on anyone because they deserve to have a good night."

Derek felt sadness suddenly erupt in him at the thought that he would have to wait one more day till he could call her 'his' again. He leant forward and rubbed his face against her neck, inhaling her perfume. He smiled at the familiar smell of lavender in her hair and gently kissed her neck.

"Do I have to watch you dance with Finn?" he asked, his voice pained with sadness but tinged with powerful jealousy.

Meredith sighed against his shoulder, "No, I'm going to go home after I go back down but…"

She didn't finish her sentence when Derek suddenly gave her a powerful kiss that suddenly rendered her breathless.

"Derek…" she moaned into his mouth, "You have to let me go for just one more night."

"What if I can't wait that long for you Meredith?" he asked back.

Meredith hugged him to her, "I have waited all year for you, you must wait just one more day till we can tell."

Derek nodded in sadness, crushing her to him in an embrace that made her heart begin to crack with sadness.

"I love you." She whispered in his ear.

"I love you too." He whispered back in her ear.

They kissed again, over and over until they were breathless once more.

With torturous sadness and emotional pain, they slowly pulled apart and looked at each other with such longing that it bruised their hearts.

"One day…" Derek said sadly, watching as Meredith nodded silently in reply.

Tears welled up in her eyes and one spilled out onto her cheek, trailing down it until she suddenly felt a coursed thumb softly wipe it off her face.

She looked up at him and found his eyes were filled with his own tears.

"Don't cry Mer," he whispered.

Giving him a trembling smile, she nodded slightly and suddenly turned around and walked out of the room without looking behind her. It was the love that she felt for him and the knowledge that he loved her back that allowed Meredith to have the strength to be able to walk all the way back to the prom and back to Finn.

It was that powerful strength that had told him she needed to go home and it was that made her realise how great a thing it was that she had not slept with Derek in the examining room.

For once she was going to be able to do it right with Derek.

Have a clean start and be with him.

All they had to do was leave their own partners.

She had the strength to do that…

But did he?


End file.
